


Girl of Steel Redux

by vox_ex



Series: Supergirl Redux [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Big Sister Alex Danvers, Big Sister Maggie Sawyer, Canon-Typical Violence, Danvers Sisters, Everyone needs a hug at the end, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, POV Multiple, The family we choose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-08 00:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12852741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vox_ex/pseuds/vox_ex
Summary: Everything comes at a cost. An alternative take on the 3x01 storyline. All kinds of feels, and maybe even a reveal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A "what if" fic. Obviously, some liberties are taken with the storyline but this takes place in the current canon timeline. 
> 
> Please keep in mind I'm new at this...and quite obviously have no rights to the source material...here goes nothing

Alex feels the cloud of splintered wood and gravel descend at her back as the sound of the explosions give way to a dense echo from where she kneels on the ground.

A familiar hand comes to rest on her arm and she turns to see Maggie in front of her. She's trying to tell her something, but it's hard to make sense of it against the ringing in her ears.

Alex focuses, willing her brain to pay attention to her fiancé's voice.

"Are you okay?"

She nods her head and surveys the detective's face ensuring she too is unharmed.

_A little dusty, but fine._

She takes Maggie's hand and accepts her help in standing.

Around them, the sights and sounds of the scene come into harsh and jarring focus.

On reflex, she has her gun out, but in reality, she has no idea what or where the danger is.

_They need answers now._

"Winn…J'onn, what's going on."

She presses her hand against the device in her ear trying to suppress the static coming through. 

J'onn's determined voice finally reaches her, and with it the heavy reality of their situation.

"Schott, did you see where that missile came from?"

"No, there's no heat signature, no atmospheric disruption, no electromagnetic signature… Alex, can you see anything?

_She doesn't._

"Negative visual contact… it, it came out of nowhere."

Distant sirens fill the brief gaps of silence as she desperately tries to find J'onn and Kara in the crowded landscape.

_Nothing about this is making any sense. They knew there might be an attack, how could they not see it?_

Any further thought is cut off as her comm picks up again and Kara's voice cuts in and out.

"pressure regulator…low altitude."

She only manages to make out a few words though before another explosion shakes the already unstable pier.

The building in front of her shudders and glass shatters to the pavement in response.

She and Maggie shield themselves from the new onslaught of debris as the ground groans beneath their feet.

She looks around again, but still the sky remains ominously vacant of any threat she can see.

_Come on, where the hell is it?_

The answer to her unspoken question comes in the sound of Winn and Jonn's frantic voices.

"I can't track the explosive source; the radar is not picking up any underwater signals."

"I'll clear the building. Danvers, Sawyer stay on the waterfront. Supergirl, find that submarine."

It’s then that Kara's broken words finally fit together in her mind and she catches up to what everyone else already knows; that they know what's attacking them, but they have no way to know how to stop it.

With renewed focus Alex runs toward the end of the pier as Maggie follows her through the flow of panicked citizens.

They are almost to the water's edge when the feel of wind surging overhead forces her attention and she looks up just in time to see the streak of red and blue cutting through the sky before it disappears into the water.

_God dammit Kara._

She feels helpless as they are forced to come to a stop. The water's calm surface betraying both the uncertainty beneath her and the fear inside of her.

Her hands open and close at her sides wanting nothing more than a task, than a purpose, than a way to help her sister. She imagines Kara running out of time —out of oxygen. She thinks of the last month, of how the distance that had grown between them feels so small when weighed against how far away she feels now. But it isn’t until the harrowing moment when the third explosion hits that the full weight of that distance bears down on her.

Alex tries in vain to reach her sister. 

"Supergirl?"

"Supergirl?"

And then in desperation.

"Kara, answer me!"

"Kara!"

She closes her eyes and strains her hearing for any sound of her sister's voice.

She can't tell you how much time passes, but she can tell you when it stops.

Because as the thundering explosion overcomes the frantic sound of sirens and panicked shouts she knows what she will see even before she opens her eyes.

Her sister's words from that morning echo in her mind.

'I will always make the decision I made.'

\---- ---- ---- ---- 

Kara reaches the missile just as it leaves the hull.

She braces against the weight of it but is pushed back by the force, and she knows.

Knows she won't be able to hold her breath much longer, knows that even if she could, she is still too weak from the first explosion.

The metal groans against her hands.

She hopes it will be enough.

It has to be enough.

_'Supergirl saves the world. Why would I choose to be anyone else?'_

She looks over her shoulder, her plan growing more improbable with each passing second.

She strains her hearing as it begins to fade.

There are so many other sounds she wishes she could focus on right now, so many other people, but she forces herself to block everything else out.

_'My mother didn't send me to Earth to fall in love with a human, have children, live in a house with a white picket fence.'_

The unfamiliar heartbeat hammers in her ears until the escalating rhythm peaks.

The sound of the firing pin resonates at last.

She wills what strength remains and pushes back, finding purchase against the current as she hurtles herself and the missile back toward the submarine.

Everything slows down then, pushes in on itself before ripping apart.

She shuts her eyes against the onslaught of pain, and the last thing she recognizes is Alex's voice as it erupts inside head becoming part with a harsh, conflicting mixture of sounds before merging into one singular, piercing pitch.

All her senses fade into chaos; explode into a blinding light, then nothing.

The world and its madness mute around her.

 ---- ---- ---- ---- 

 Looking out over the mangled steel and eaves of debris, Alex will have time to think later about how she sees it; a flash of red in a literal sea.

She will have time to be reminded of her own fears and the nightmares when they return in the days to come.

But right now, there is no time for anything else…so she jumps.

The frigid water shocks her system, and it takes precious seconds for her body to respond.

Regaining control, her lungs burn in the effort it takes to swim deeper.

The need for oxygen feels desperate, the achingly familiar panic of not enough air and not enough time threatening to consume the progress of her efforts.

She pushes back against the cold blackness.

_'Kara Danvers saved me more times than Supergirl ever did.'_

The visage of red that appears is so sudden and surreal she cannot be sure it is real.

She closes her eyes and feels the heavy weight of Kara's cape in her hands; there is no time left for doubt or relief.

Breaking the surface oxygen floods her body, and her arm reflexively tightens around her sister's waist in a desperate attempt to keep them both afloat.

She is losing the struggle against her failing strength when she suddenly sees J'onn next to her in the water and before she can even feel grateful, they are back on the cracked pavement.

She doesn't comprehend everything that comes next.

Voices she can't quite recognize and faces she can't quite see filter in and out.

She feels the detached sensation of Kara removed from her arms.

She tries to stand, to follow, but her body revolts against the strain of her efforts and she remains on the broken ground as violent shivers wrack her form.

Somewhere in her mind, she registers her own symptoms of hypothermia and shock.

Everything comes in and out of focus in time with her erratic heartbeat.

She feels a mask on her face and the intrusion of air into her lungs followed by a sharp pain in her arm and the feeling of something heavy wrapped around her.

The shock of warmth and pain forces her out of her own confusion and into the haunting reality that surrounds her.

Her mind rushes to make sense of what she sees as the world speeds back up.

Images of a nightmare fill her vision.

Kara's still form atop her torn cape.

Lena's fingers held firmly against her neck as she shakes her head.

Maggie back to her as she presses over and over against her sister's chest.

She pushes weakly against the hands holding her back.

Her own broken voice reverberating and unrecognizable as she pleads with them to let her go.

"I have to help. I can help."

But she can't.

The last of the adrenaline keeping her conscious threatens to leave her.

The edges of her vision darken and blur.

She closes her eyes.

But the images remain.

There is no waking up from this.

 ---- ---- ---- ---- 

Kara remembers silence like this.

It reminds her of the void of space.

The doubt in that stillness.

Of wanting it to end.

Of fearing it when it does.

It reminds her of the eery sense of calm that filled the city the night after the invasion.

Of Loved ones held a little tighter, prayers of thanks said a little louder, of the quietness that gave way to panic.

The city screamed for weeks — a cacophony of sirens and alarms.

A city she fought to protect, fighting back in anger and distrust.

Kara had already seen one world destroy itself.

She would not allow another.

She would not be responsible.

She had presumed safety in happiness, had confused love for humanity.

She could not allow herself to be fooled any longer by the want of these things.

So that night she grieved, and by the morning she forgot.

She grieved the love she had felt, the comfort it reminded her of.

She grieved the reminder of her planet's virtues and the forgiveness of its sins.

She grieved all the things she had lost in this place.

This place, her home.

She has been many things to many people here, but never who she was.

And now that they knew the truth of her, she would never get the chance.

That is what was left to grieve.

Not the loss of a man, but the loss of what the love of others had given her.

Memories…forgiveness…safety…innocence.

This world did not deserve her burdens; it deserved her humanity.

And she had lost that too.

She had killed to protect this place.

To protect her home.

And in return, it killed the only human part of her.

So she had grieved.

And now, for the briefest of moments, she gave up.

Because Kara Zor-el was lost to the quite of space.

Because Kara Danvers was lost to the weight of humanity.

Because how can she save anyone if she is broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a box somewhere down here and I'm told that if you click on it you can make words magically appear for me to read...Yea for magic, and you! Any feedback is helpful and appreciated so I make sure this doesn't suck any more than it might already.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and Lena POVs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I want to say how much I appreciate the support for this story. It's always a little nerve wracking to share something. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I still don't have any rights to the source material, only my own thoughts...I hope.

It's strange the things you get used to, the things your brain automatically filters out.

Maggie usually doesn't even register the sounds of police sirens anymore, nor the flashing lights. She can carry on a full conversation with them blaring in the background.

She thinks about how Alex still plugs her ears when they first pull up to a crime scene, how she jokes with her that they can't all be stealthy agents in black.

But right now, the sound of sirens is all she can hear.

And she hates herself for this loss of control.

Because if ever she needed to be in control of her emotions it was now.

She hesitates at first. Worries she won't be able to push hard enough. But Kara's chest gives way easily under the pressure of her compressions and, fuck; she knows that makes the situation that much worse.

She's never done this before, not really, not when it's mattered.

But she keeps pace with the internal clock in her head, thankful that all the training she complained about going to has made the task so automatic.

It's faster and more violent than she could have imagined and she has to fight back the bile that rises in the back of her throat when she feels Kara's ribs break beneath the weight of her hands.

In the midst of it all, and almost inexplicably, she finds Lena next to her, determined, blood dripping from a long gash, and gives silent thanks to the younger woman forcing air into Kara's lungs that she doesn't have to do this alone.

She looks over her shoulder just long enough to see Alex, pale and shivering, being tended to by an officer.

She feels both relief and worry as she watches her fiancé try but fail to get to her feet.

The water underneath her soaks into her clothes, and the cold permeates her skin.

It's a hauntingly familiar feeling.

She can't help but think about how much she hates the water now.

How she wants to rip the bathtub out of her fucking apartment.

How when she and Alex have kids they are never taking them to a waterpark.

How watching one person drowning should be enough.

Her thoughts and desperate attempt to keep Kara alive are interrupted as she feels herself pulled back.

Not knowing what's happening, she fights to stay where she is.

Because Alex needs her to, because Kara is still not breathing, and because she isn't going to lose any of the family she's finally found.

She's pulled back again, harder this time, and it isn't until she's knocked back onto her heels that she looks up.

The sirens finally fade away, replaced by a multitude of voices and the shout of instructions.

J'onn is next to her, and she realizes that he was the one who pulled her back, that like her he is trying to keep Kara alive.

She sees Winn in front of them fumbling with something.

Realizes by the parlor on his face that J'onn flew him here.

Winn curses as his shaking hands fail to complete whatever task he is trying to accomplish.

She watches Lena take over, and is thankful all over again for her presence as she manages to easily rip the cap off the device while Kara's suit is cut away.

Winn is talking too fast for her to understand any of what is going on, but his shaking hands gesture something to Lena, and she must know what has to happen then, or at least guess, because without hesitation she brings the now exposed needle down hard against Kara’s chest.

Everything stops then.

The stillness feels cruel.

The waiting too long.

And just as it feels hopeless, Kara's body heaves in a labored breath.

The scene around her erupts again.

She watches as they roll Kara onto her side and water violently forces its way out of her lungs with the movement.

She pales at the alarms and shouts, the uneven rhythm of the monitors, at the still unconscious blonde.

She focuses on the shallow movements of Kara's chest, convinced they might stop again if she looks away.

Through the chaos, she hears her name but can't tell where it's coming from.

"Maggie!"

There are hands on her shoulders forcing her attention.

_ When did she stand up? _

J'onn is tries again, slower, firmer, to get her to focus.

"Maggie, go with Alex. Make sure she gets taken care of. We've got her now."

She hesitates, unsure as she looks between him and Kara.

"I've got her, I promise."

She nods her head in response because words are too much effort, words take too much time.

She makes her way to Alex and climbs into the waiting van next to her.

Ignoring the medics, her fiancé shifts and tries to sit up and soon as she sees her.

"I need to help her Maggie, I can help."

She helps Alex lie back onto the gurney, gently grasping her hands as they try to push her away so the medic can replace the IV she's already managed to rip out once. 

“You need to tell them I can help”

She places her hands on either side of Alex's face, stilling her panicked refrain with the quiet comfort.

She looks into her eyes and sees the questions she’s afraid to ask, the lies she’s willing to accept to stop herself from falling apart.

And she won’t deny her that, not here, so she tells her it’s okay. And it’s not a lie, but it might not be the truth.

"They’ve got her, they’ve got her now"

She presses her forehead against Alex's in a desperate need to feel something solid and real.

"I'm here."

She feels Alex relax into her and her breathing slow at the contact.

"It’ll be okay."

\---- ---- ---- ----

Lena can feel Winn, Kara's friend, and now Agent Schott apparently; staring at her out of the corner of his eye.

He's looking at her like he wants to say something but doesn't know how to start.

She hears him stutter and stop, think better of it.

She wishes he would say something.

Give her something to do, some way to help.

Because right now all she can think about is that there is no clock in the room.

She knows this is a stupid thing to worry about, but everything feels like it either happened all at once or never at all, and she finds herself unnerved by the fact that she can't even figure out what time it is.

So she tries instead to rationalize what she can feel. 

The smell of antiseptic and the medical equipment that surrounds her.

The feeling of smooth tile under her now bare feet.

The dull ache in her head and the neat row of stitches there.

But what she feels quickly dissolves into what she remembers, and with it, any feeling of calm her logic was trying to obtain.

The feeling of blood winding its way down her face as she knelt next to Kara.

The fear that came with realizing she wasn't breathing.

The desperation of each forceful exhalation that filled her empty lungs.

The weight of the syringe as she drove it into her best friend's chest.

Her eyes become fixated on her hands and the tremors that won't seem to stop.

_ God, she's going to be sick. _

She manages to stumble to the trash can, kneeling in front of it as she empties the contents of her stomach.

Her sudden movements startle Winn who jumps to his feet.

"Fuck" is the only thing she can manage after a few haggard breaths

She sits back on her heels and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

She can feel Winn hovering near her. Unsure of what to do.

_ At least she's not the only one. _

She leans her back against the wall and forces out one of the many questions today has left her with.

"I don't suppose you're allowed to tell me where we are?"

He sits down next to her and offers her a bottle of water nervously.

"I…no, not really."

"But not the FBI?" she guesses.

And he concedes "No, not the FBI."

She nods her head at the confirmation.

"How long since…how long?"

"About an hour."

Lena shakes her head slightly.

"It feels longer."

She looks at Winn again, sees something akin to pity.

God _, she hates pity._

"You'd think I'd be handling this a little better, right? You'd think I'd be used to having people dying around me by now."

A weary, painful, laugh accompanies her deadpan delivery.

Winn reaches to put a hand on her shoulder and his tentativeness makes her think Kara must have warned him how much she hates such gestures should they ever meet.

She wants to smile at the idea of such thoughtfulness but can't.

"She still here Lena…she won't let us lose her."

And that's the thing, it's been so long since she's had someone to lose that she doesn't know how to do this.

How to stop the tightness in her chest.

How to quiet her own heartbeat as it echoes in her ears.

She can't stop thinking about all the times she must have almost lost her without even knowing it, how many times she took her presence in her life for granted.

She thinks too that maybe she always knew who Kara was. 

That somewhere in her mind or some part of her must have at least suspected it.

That maybe she was just too selfish to acknowledge it because it meant things might change. 

But even if she had known, had only been denying it as truth; it didn't stop the actual realization, the sound of Alex's voice, the heartbreaking desperation for her sister, from shattering her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback is helpful and appreciated. When things exist only in your mind for so long you don't always know what they'll actually look like on paper.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here goes nothing, hope it all came together okay. 
> 
> Disclaimer: As always, all the rights to the source material are not my own.

Kara knew what lay just out of reach.

Could feel enough to grasp it blindly.

She knew happiness forgotten and never known.

She knew both these things in worlds now gone.

The silence gave way to reverie.

She was back in the field of her dreams; in the landscape of home and the warmth of her mother's arms.

She hoped this time it could be real.

That even if it weren't, she could make herself believe it.

Maybe she could have this one last thing, this one last moment with the life she never got and live in it forever. 

But like the memory of silence, this pain of wanting was familiar too.

It was the pain of letting go.

It was the pain of holding on.

She had let herself be lost in this wanting before, had needed to be reminded of its failings.

_ 'I can't promise you a life without pain and loss because pain is a part of life.' _

And saved from its illusions.

_ 'I want so much for all of this to be true, to stay here with you. But this isn't real.' _

She had chosen to lose everything again to have something to hold onto again.

She chose to keep the family she had found and let go of the one she lost. 

She doesn't know if she can make that same choice now. 

Maybe she shouldn’t. 

Maybe it’s selfish to want to. 

She thinks of all the loss that has surrounded her and all the pain it has caused. 

She hears Alex cry for her father. 

She sees a city buried in rubble. 

She thinks she has cost this world enough. 

She feels the hues of Rao's light waning, beckoning like a plea to follow.

She feels the rhythm of her heart return to her, demanding she remain.

The receding reverie demands her decision.

She contemplates the heaviness of worlds and the depth of scars.

She remembers the weight on her shoulders and ache in her chest.

She thinks of the family she’s lost and the one that remains. 

She feels pain imagined and real. 

She hears Alex’s voice and the words that once brought her back. 

_ 'I need my sister!' _

She remembers these things, but she finds she does not fear them.

The immensity of them reminds her what it is to know these things — to endure in spite of them and because of them.

And so, against the dying light, she leans into the heaviness, she chooses what still remains.

\---- ---- ---- ----

Alex sits just outside Kara’s room, knees pulled up tight to her chest, hands gripping the blanket at her shoulders desperate for some semblance of warmth.

She sees her sister’s still form through the glass and thinks about Kara’s words to her that morning. 

_ 'I am not a human. I tried to be, but I'm not.' _

How all at once they seem so far removed from this moment and yet so achingly poignant. 

Because she has seen her sister powerless and she has seen her vulnerable, but she has never seen her look so human. 

A hand brushes against the side of her face and she turns to see Maggie, worn and tired. 

She lets herself lean into the comfort of her touch. 

"Dr. Hamilton wants to give us an update."

She nods, but hesitates, needing the reassurance of Maggie's hand to stiffly stand, to remind her she is not alone as they make their way into the sterile room.

There is no pretense to be had as the other woman speaks and she is grateful.

She focuses on the words.

Ruptured eardrum, fractured ribs, respiratory arrest, hypothermia.

Tries to reconcile them with her own memories and the image of her sister now in front of her.

She can see Maggie's blank stare reflected back in the glass opposite them and knows that unlike herself, she doesn't need to hear the words to know their truth.

She had wiped the blood from Kara's ears herself, had heard the crack of breaking bones, had felt her heart still, and her skin cold.

She wishes she could take these memories from Maggie and make them her own. 

They should be her burden to carry.

She closes her eyes just long enough to gather herself, to will the memories away, to focus again on Dr. Hamilton's voice.

"Winn remembered the adrenaline complex injection you had been working on. It didn't restore her powers, but it did cause her cells to discharge any remaining energy all at once which was enough to restart her heart.

She hears her own voice waiver as she speaks.

"She, ah, she's still unconscious?"

"She sustained a significant concussion from the explosion which is also impacting her recovery. But all the scans came back clean, and her internal temp is going up, just more slowly than we'd like. As it stabilizes over the next couple hours and her cells absorb additional solar radiation we should expect her to become more alert. Until then, she still has the IV for warm fluids and we'll keep her on supplemental oxygen support."

"how long was she down?"

She watches Dr. Hamilton pause for the first time, and she tries not to focus on the hesitation. 

"Around 4 minutes once she was out of the water… It's a concern still, but her reflexes are normal and even without her powers we know her physiology can sustain longer bouts of hypoxia."

She thinks she makes some sound of affirmation, some gesture of understanding. 

"We're going to move her into the regular solar room now that she's stabilized. Director Henshaw already has it set up so you can stay with her."

She nods her head almost automatically, distrusting her voice.

She hears Maggie thank the older woman and then the mechanical whirr of the doors as they slide closed.

The sound of Kara's heartbeat fills the vacant space of the room, and she counts it in time with the seconds that pass.

She thinks about the minutes that had been void of the sound.

She thinks about how long they had felt — how much anger and fear and hope they had managed to contain.

\---- ---- ---- ----

Maggie wakes to the sound of steady breathing and a familiar warmth pressed into her side.

She wipes tiredly at her eyes and looks down to see Alex, still asleep, cradled in her arms on the small couch.

The lights from the hall are dimmed, but the gentle glow of the solar lamps reveals that they are no longer alone in their vigil.

She watches silently as Lena gently tucks a strand of hair behind Kara's ear.

It feels like a moment she isn’t meant to see. 

The younger woman is barefoot, clad in borrowed scrub pants and a well-worn NCU sweatshirt.

Like Kara without her suit, she looks so much younger like this, so much more vulnerable.

This isn’t the Lena Luthor the world knows. 

"You know I'm pretty sure Kara is going to be mad when she realizes that you didn't just get the hell out of there."

The sound of her voice startles the other woman slightly and she watches as Lena tries to compose something in herself before looking up.

It feels like reflex honed from years of practice. 

"Personally, I'm glad you didn't. I mean it was stupid, don't get me wrong, but I'm glad it was you there. I knew neither one of us would let her die."

She looks down at Alex again, allows her fingers to run gently through the sleeping woman's hair. 

"I've never seen her seem so small before. I don't know how she'd survive losing Kara."

Lena's eyes flicker briefly toward the floor then back up as she blinks away tears. 

She can't help but think then, that maybe Lena can't imagine surviving it either.

"Did you know?

She watches as the younger woman's fingers rub gently along worn edges of the sweatshirt nervously hesitating before she shakes her head and sits in the vacant chair beside the bed. 

It takes a moment, but soon Lean's voice is the one that breaks the silence of the room.

"I was worried you know, that she would do something stupid, get herself hurt trying to help. Because she would do that, Kara would be the type of person who does that. And it turns out she is, that I deserved to be worried. I just, I didn't realize I was worried for the wrong reasons, not until… not until the moment I saw Alex, not until I realized it wasn’t Supergirl she was trying to save."

She watches Lena's hands move to her face, wiping angrily at the tears there, refusing even in this moment to allow such weakness.

She suddenly she feels guilty that this is the first time they've talked since everything happened. Because she knows what it is to learn Kara's secret, to learn it because of circumstance, not want. And so she owes her this she thinks, owes her reassurance — owes her truth.

"She wanted to tell you." 

The younger woman looks up again, unshed tears barely held back.

"But your mother, she told Kara you would hate her for it."

She sees a veiled expression of pain and guilt in Lena’s eyes, but when she speaks there is nothing but conviction in her words.

"I could never hate her."

"I know..."

_ And she does. _

"...But Kara has always been told to hide who she is, that she will hurt those around her if she can't. I think after all this time she started to believe there was something inside her worth being afraid of, worth hating."

She watches as the tears that have been threatening now fall freely down Lena's cheeks, the truth of revelations too new and too heavy to be contained.

"How can I prove her she's wrong."

She smiles and gives the only truthful answer she can.

"You already are. You’re here."

\---- ---- ---- ----

Kara feels the weight as it returns and with it everything else.

She feels impossibly cold and her chest painfully heavy.

She tries to listen for Alex's heartbeat, but the sounds around her are muffled and distant.

She needs to find her, she needs to know she is safe.

Something shifts next to her, and there is a feeling of warmth on her cheek.

She manages to lift her arm just enough to grasp the hand she finds there.

She shifts her fingers and concentrates until she feels the familiar rhythm.

It's so light at first that she worries she imagines it.

Her chest heaves in relief and broken sobs.

Her sister's voice seems so distant but it's there, and it's real.

"shhh Kara it's okay, you're okay, I've got you."

When she is finally able to open her eyes, she sees the reminder of everything that happened etched on Alex's worried face.

"I—I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

And there is so much she is apologizing for, so much she needs to say, but she can't seem to catch her breath, and every attempt is too quick and too shallow.

It feels like glass rattling in her lungs.

A hand comes to rest on the middle of her chest, the gentle pressure forcing each inhale a little deeper as she hears Maggie's voice.

"you have to relax, just breathe okay, it's going to hurt, but you have to keep breathing."

And she does, against the weight of everything and through the pain, she does.

Maggie's other hand reaches across to find Alex's, the three of them now anchored to each other, comforted by the graceless embrace.

She feels Alex lean forward to place a kiss on her forehead and then turn her head just enough to whisper in her ear.

"I think someone else needs to see you."

The brief flicker of a question must have crossed her face because Alex was moving again, pulling away slightly so she could see past her.

Lena is there standing at the other end of the room, arms wrapped tightly around herself, and she can’t help the feeling of guilt that overcomes her.

_ 'Eventually, she'll find out on her own. Find out that you've been lying to her all this time.' _

This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to be able to protect her from this part of her. 

She feels the threat of tears as she pulls Alex back down to her because she needs to know, she needs to know if Lillian was right.

"Does she hate me?"

She thinks she sees something akin to a smirk on her sister's face, but it's Maggie who answers her.

"Not a chance in hell Little Danvers."

Alex gives her hand one more squeeze of reassurance as she steps away from the bed before nodding to Lena who steps forward without hesitation and sits beside her. 

This close to her now, she can't help but see the tears barely contained in her eyes or the stitches that mar her skin. 

She brings her hand up, gently running her thumb along the length of the cut as a frown settles in her brow.

"you're hurt."

Lena laughs, and she relishes the warmth of the sound and the feeling of her hand as it covers her own. 

"You're unbelievable you know that"

Later there will be time for long conversations and more revelations, but for now she hopes this is enough. 

"I'm sorry I…I'm sorry I lied to you, but I promised, I promised I would protect you"

The words are quiet and broken, but they are honest. 

She feels Lena’s hand tighten around her. 

“I know, but you don’t need to protect me from this.” 

"I didn't want you to find out like this"

Lena smiles.

"Well, I would hope that almost dying wasn't on the list of ways you planned on telling me."

It’s her turn to laugh this time, but the best she manages is a pitiful wheeze and painful cough.

"Hey, sorry, take it easy."

Lena's hand brushes across her forehead as the pain recedes.

"Alex tells me your basically human right now, so maybe we should just hold off the jokes until your healing powers kick back in."

She tries to smile but can't as the feeling of guilt returns with Lena’s words. Because she knows, knows then that even like this, even without her powers, she will never be human.

She will always have a Kryptonian heart. It aches, it scars, but it keeps on beating. If she tries to cut it out she will lose something essential. 

She will never be human, but then she thinks about the family she has returned to, about the family she has chosen and she is reminded of all the proof they have given her that she doesn’t need to be.

She has a Kryptonian heart, but it’s human love that fills it, that heals it, and keeps it beating. If she lets herself forget that she will lose something essential. 

A gentle hand on her arm brings her back from her thoughts.

"Kara."

She sees Alex next to her again, worried at her sudden silence.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

She shakes her head and smiles.

"I'm sorry, I'm okay."

And she thinks maybe, for the first time in months, she even believes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. I have like zero instincts when it comes to these things so let me know if it's worth it to continue this as a series with other episodes, or if I should just cut and run. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for all the support and feedback.


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